Never Let Me Go
by featherwing
Summary: Jasper Whitlock met Bella Swan during a time of war. They fell in love, but the heartless struggle of a torn country will tear them apart.
1. Formalities seem so useless

Chapter 1

JPOV

The sheer heat and humidity was ridiculous. I could not help but tug at my shirt as I sipped my drink. Mrs. Hammond, the hostess of this ball, was nothing but inconvenient. I myself was not entirely fond or acquainted with these soirees, but this was absolutely drab. The torturous boredom of her latest predicament was aggravating, as were the various ladies batting their lashes in vain attemps at capturing my attention. I sipped my glass of champange once again as I looked admist the dense crowds of heavily made up women and well dressed men, focusing instead on the nice decor of the place.

Though I was not very fond of her latest venue, I had to give Mrs. Hammond some credit. She lavishly decorated her upscale home in the nicer part of Houston, where the rich and powerful resided. Her Victorian styled mansion was decked in fragrant flowers of every imaginable kind. Her imperious foyer was converted into a virtual mini garden, full or roses, hydrangeas, jasmine, and other flowers that I had no knowledge of. The rest of her expensive home was equally embellished, and the beauty of it all rather astounded the viewer. But, as Mrs. Hammond seemed to do with propensity, she took no note of the fact that it was ninety degrees and the humidity was barely tolerable; weather she should have taken into consideration before thinking of such a lavish Spring Ball.

No longer comfortable being the object of many ladies' attentions, I ambled off, stopping here and there to catch snippets of conversations.

"...yes, I heard that General Lee is in desperate need of recruits. His armies are dwindling down to nothing." a man boomed loudly next to me. He was Mr. Hammond, a large, red faced man with thin blonde hair and a booming voice. He was talking about the on going Civil War ravaging our country at the time; another factor his wife had clearly forgoed. I myself wanted to aid General Lee and join the Confederate army, and even though I was not yet of age, I could possibly lie my way into the ranks with my looks.

"I do think that it would be in the best interest of the Confederacy to start drafting men. This would be a much more efficient method rather than recruiting." said another. As the men argued about the war, I made my way through the crowds, losing interest in their talk. I stopped only briefly to salute acquaintances every now and then, sometimes making small talk. As I was speaking with a Mr. Gitney, I looked up to see what couples were dancing, feeling rather bored with the small talk the poor old man was trying to sustain. He was clearly nervous being amongst so many people. I nodded and smiled every now and then to let him think I was listening to him attentively, when in reality I was looking over every couple that twirled and pranced on the dancefloor. Most were clumsy, boring couples, yet my eyes were intent on looking at these people rather than stare directly at the old Gitney.

And then I saw her.

She was standing alone on the other end of the room, clearly uncomfortable being surrounded by so many people at one time, wringing her hands every now and then. Her hair was a silky brown pinned up into an elegant twist, her heart shaped face breathtaking, even with the frown she wore on her red, pouty mouth. Her skin was ivory and had porecelain like quality; but her eyes were most captivating. A vivacious brown amongst the blues and greens of the crowds, she was scanning the room with a sharpness that belied her intelligence.

Simply put, she was perfect.

Not wanting to waste another moment speaking to Mr.Gitney, I excused myself from his presence and made my way to the nervous angel standing quite self consciously on the other end of the room. I did not bother to make pleasantires with anyone on my way to her- I had not another second to lose speaking with others when I could be with her.

I managed to wrangle my way through the crowds to her, never once straying my gaze. She was but a few feet from my reach- and her perfection, which did not seem liekly to increase since I had first laid eyes on her, only managed to maximize exponentially. Now that I was so close to her, I could truly appreciate this rare and magnificent beauty.

As I stared at her utter perfection, I was jostled by the crowds and the few feet that seperated us were nonexistent as I bumped into her.

She jumped a bit in surprise, snapping her head towards me; looking right into my blue gaze. Her chocolate brown eyes were indescribable- so full of emotion, of a sparkle that no other could possibly match. I looked at her and smiled as best I could through my embarassment. A radiant blush tinted her smooth cheeks as she averted her enigamtic gaze from mine.

I cleared my throat a bit before actually speaking to this angel.

"I'm terribly sorry for startling you Miss..." I trailed of, trying to make my apologies.

"Miss Isabella Swan. And not to worry; I am quite fine Mr..." Now she trailed of, looking at me with a hint of a smile on her ruby mouth. I couldn't help but stare at her as she talked- she had such a sweet and melodious voice like no other. I forced myself to attention as I replied to her.

"Mr. Jasper Whitlock. I truly am sorry, Miss Swan. I should try to be more careful." I said, smiling slightly. She flushed, lowering her head a bit. She was a goddess, an angel fallen from heaven, there was no other possible explanation to her perfection...

"No, it is quite alright Mr. Whitlock. But please call me Bella, Mr. Whitlock. Formalities seem so useless to me. I was daydreaming myself. The heat does seem to get to me, and the ambient certainly doesn't help much." She chirped happily, now at ease. I had been told to have that certain effect on people, and was glad that Bella seemed to feel just as they did around my prescence.

"I have to agree with you on that account, Bella. It seems that our hostess has taken it upon herself to ignore all the rules of modesty in hosting such fanfare, without much of a though of her guests' comforts." I replied, fixated on her face, gauging her reactions. On an after thought, I added, "And please, call me Jasper if you will."

Bella laughed at my banter. Her laugh was like a wind chime, so tinkling and captivating, just like the rest of her. I could not help but join her in her mirth.

"Oh I did not think that the other guests would have agreed with us, Jasper. They seem awfully comfortable sitting in a room packed with bodies and insuffarable heat and humidity. Not to mention the reek that the flowers give off in this environment. It is barely even tolerable." She commented. I nodded my head- the people in this party were talking and socializing as if they were not in the least perturbed by the intolerable conditions. Not only that, but the climate quite unsatisfactory, as were the overpowering stench of the flowers. No matter that they looked pretty, they certainly did not smell the part.

Our conversation flowed naturaly from then on. We talked for quite a while and I learned a great deal about the magnificent girl before me. She was originally from a tiny town in the Washington territory called Forks. She made the trip to Texas with her mother who was visiting a sickly aunt. They did not have a set date to depart from the city, but from the looks of it, as she told me, they were in for the long run.

We kept on talking, and before I knew it, the musicians were begining to play the last piece of the evening. The evening seemed to have breezed right past us as we conversed. Not wanting to waste an opportunity of having Bella close, I asked her to dance.

"No. It's not that I ...well it actually...uhm...I'm just very clumsy, Jasper. I don't think that anyone would survive if I got on the dancefloor." he said, blushing furiously as she said it.

I couldn't help but laugh- she just looked more embarassed. "No, it's quite alright Bella. I think I can manage. Afterall, it's all in the leading." I said confidently.

She opened her mouth to retort to my comment, but thought better of it. She said nothing but her actions spoke louder than any words could have. She took my hand as I led her toward the moving bodies on the dancefloor.

I placed my hand on her back and held on tightly to her right hand. She looked quite nervous, but I smiled in reassurance to her, easing some of her anxiety. We waited until the next beat and I began to lead her through the dance. She wasn't lying when she told me that she was clumsy; on more than one occasion she tripped. But for the most part, the dance was a happy one for me. I felt so at ease with Bella, so happy. It was more than I could say for how I felt during the duration of the party. She looked at me throughout the entire dance. Her expression was that of content, and if I wasn;t mistaken, she was feeling just as blissfully happy as I did.

As the final notes hung in the air, I held on to Bella a little longer before releasing her, smiling. She beamed at me before she was pulled by the arm by what I supposed was her mother. She looked like an older version of Bella, only she had laugh lines.

"We must be taking our leave now, dear. Aunt Josephine is still ill." With that, Bella turned to me, a sad look on her face. I could feel an equal look of discontent on my own, but before she gave me her goodbye I said, "Would you like to go to the park tomorrow? I would be delighted to accompany you there. Say, around noon?"

She looked taken aback by my proposition before smiling and nodding her head as her mother yanked her away. On the way home, I could do nothing but think of Bella.


	2. A Very Nice Young Man

**Sorry for any historical inaccuracies. My U.S. history is bit rusty, to say the least. And I find no point in doing a Bella POV of what happened in the last chapter, so...here you go. Reviews really do encourage me to keep on writing, so please be kind and give me that little push so I can write faster for you guys...Forgot to metion this in the previous chapter, but here it is:**

**I do not own Twilight. Unless my fairy godmother decided to be nice to me...**

CHAPTER 2

BPOV

I must have been to deep in thought, because I was startled into reality by my mother's loud _ahem_. I looked around the dining room where we were having our breakfast, as if noticing it for the first time. The gargantuan room was eerily quiet, save for the occasional scrape against dishes, and even that was a dim echo, seeing as Aunt Josephine's table stretched for what seemed to be a mile. Other than the sheer largness of the place, it was rather pleasant, done in pastel colors and fragrant with flowers.

My mother cleared her throat again, distinctly irritated at my lack of attention. I lowered my head, blushing profusely.

"Will you please pass me the marmalade, Isabella. It seems you are still a tad tired after the late hour we returned from the ball." She said, glaring pointedly in my direction. I averted my eyes from her temperamental gaze, staring at a painting overhead. I knew she was cross with me when she called me by my entire name, but it was a rage that I did not feel like facing this morning. Especially when today, when I would get to see Jasper.

The very memory of Jasper Whitlock sent a tingling sensation across my entire body. I was still in utter disbelief that someone of his perfection would prefer me above the other beautiful women that roamed the grounds of Mrs. Hammond's Spring Ball. The way his honey blond hair fell slightly above his eyes, his tall lean body towering over me and the deep, calming blue of his gaze... not to mention the complete ease I felt around him. Around other gentlemen I was tounge tied and blushing, making an utter fool of myself. But Jasper managed to make me feel so calm, as if he would never laugh at me if I was blushing ten new shades of red or stammering for words in abscence of coherent thought.

"The girl is young, Renee. Let her have some good times while she can. It will not be long before she is wed." Aunt Josephine interrupted my distant thoughts. Her voice was thin and crackling, the strain of her health apparent in her strained speech.

"But she is still not to ignore me, Auntie. I am still her mother and she will need to pay attention when I am addressing her." My mother said, hissing the words out through gritted teeth. I knew that her comment was not directed at Aunt Josephine, but at me.

No longer feeling like bearing the oppresing weight of my mother's temper, I decided to tell her of my plans for the day before she threw another fit.

Clearing my throat and gathering whatever scraps of courage I had at my diposal, I began.

"I actually met a very nice young man at the ball last night, Mother. He is Jasper Whitlock, and he cordially and amicably invited me for a stroll around the park this afternoon. I felt it only right to accept his offer." I said carefully, gauging her facial expressions as the words left my mouth.

She did not turn red with anger. She did not shoot daggers in my general direction. In fact, she smiled.

A very calculating, sinister smile.

Upon seeing her uncanny reaction, my eyes darted to Aunt Josephine. The elderly woman was not paying attention to our conversation, lost in her memories. Her thin, white hair shined in the beams of sunlight that streamed through the windows, lighting up her weathered face. Her gaze saw nothing in particular, for she had been transported to another time, far from the dining room her body resided in.

Fearful, I trained my gaze back upon my mother, whom had managed to compose her features from the wolfish look that had previously been there.

"Of course you may acompany Mr. Whitlock to the park, Bella. I'm sure he is a complete gentleman. Just be sure to arrive before dinner." She drawled out smoothly. Too smoothly. I eyed my mother again as she smiled pleasantly at me, taking a sip of her orange juice. She knew something thst I clearly had no knowledege of.

Still staring at my mother, I excused myself, using the pretext of getting ready for my walk with Jasper to escape the mischevious gleam in mother's eyes. I traisped off the dining room and ambled my way up the squeaky stairs to my room. It was small albeit charming. There was a large window on one side, facing the bustling streets of the city. The bed was soft and plush, and the decorations simple and practical.

I sighed, glancing momentarily at the clock that stood on my vanity. It was one hour until noon. I ordered for a shower immediately and took a quick yet thurough bath, basking in the freesia sent tehy had applied to the water. I let my hair down to let it dry as the maid helped me dress. I dressed in a simple light blue cotton dress, fitted with a white ribbon around the middle. I applied some perfume, knowing my mother would throw a fit if I did not at least comply in that manner and rushed downstairs, realizing that Jasper would be here at any moment.

Just as I tripped my way down the stairs, there was a knock on the door. As I safely made it downstairs I could hear my mother speaking with him. Even his voice was attractive, such a smooth speech with a hint of a Southern drawl that was oddly pleasant.

"I am here to take a walk with Bella, Mrs. Swan. I do hope it it not of any inconvenience to you." He said as I approached the two of them. My mother seemed relaxed and calm, not the least bit malevolent as she had looked in the dining room only a while ago. It seemed Jasper had that effect on people.

"It is such a pleasure to meet such a gallant young man as yourself, Mr. Whitlock. I do not find young men of your morale often these days, it seems." she said, looking at him pleasantly.

"Oh, not at all, Mrs. Swan. I am quite sure that there are many other respectable young men out there for the ladies. And speking of the ladies, I think Bella has just overheard that her chances at finding respectable suitors are looking quite glum." He said with a smile.

I beamed back at him, taking in his beauty. His tousled hair, his warm eyes and not to mention how illicitly good he looked in his suit. I stepped forward, only to trip on my dress.

I closed my eyes and sucked a deep breath, readying myself for the fall when I felt a pair of strong arms catch me and hold me securely in their grasp. I stilled, slowly opening my eyes to see Jasper hover over me, an amused expression on his face.

I blushed as he set me upright, holding onto my hand slightly longer before letting go. My mother glanced between Jasper and me, an unreadable look on her eyes. Sighing, I said my goodbyes and took Jasper's arm as we stepped outside.

I felt a current of electricity pass through my fingertips and spread throughout my body as I held on to Jasper. The park was only a few minutes away, and the day was clear and sunny, though still unbearibly hot. Carts and carriges shot past us, people of all types rushed through the streets and sidewalks. In all, it was a very busy day for many. But I couldn't seem to distract myself with alll the commotion going on around me from Jasper's eyes. He looked at me the whole way to the park, smiling as I blushed under his attention.

We did not have much of an opportunity to speak on the way because of all the commotion, but once we made it to the park, I felt like we had entered another realm. It was much quieter here, and the shade was a relief from the scorching sun. Trees were abundant in the park, as were the many different flowers planted here and there along the winding gravel path.

"It is so much more quiet here. You would not think there was such activity only a little farther away." I said as we began our journey through the enchanting park.

"True, but it is a relief from the constant noise of the city. And the beauty of nature, though not natural, is still worth the walk." He said, a distant look in his eyes.

"You never did tell me much about yourself yesterday evening. I would like to know more of the mysterious Jasper Whitlock." I said teasingly, smirking a bit as I said it.

He grinned, and I felt myself melt at his warm smile. The man could make me melt with just smile!? Things were progressing differently from what I had thought.

"Well, my parents are originally from Georgia, but they moved to Houston decades ago, before I was born. My father made his fortune in the oil business and set up his own company. I am currently planning on attending college and study history or something of that manner, if I had any say in it. But my father insists that I take over the family business after he retires." He said, frowning as he told me that last bit. I felt him sadden at the prospect of not choosing his career. I felt so much empathy for him, as if his misfortunes were my own.

"But no matter with that for now. And now I truly do believe your comment from the previous night, Bella." He said with a small smile.

Confused, I asked, "What did I say?"

His smile widened, and I felt myself having the same reaction I had just had a few minutes ago. "You said you were quite clumsy. I think I might need to be much more careful aorund you now, in fear that you will fall down at any given moment."

I blushed after gathering my thoughts, recalling my fall from earlier. "It is quite the habit, I must admit. Though it is one that I neither enjoy nor will be able to be rid of."

He laughed, and it was infectuous, for I soon joined him. The rest of our walk continued in the same manner, and we learned more of eachother. I found that I wanted to know everything possible about Jasper Whitlock, to dig deeper into this marvelous man's life. As he walked me home and said his goodbyes, I felt something tug at my heart. As I made my way upstairs to prepare for dinner, feelings I couldn't put words into were whirling within me. As I ate my meal, the realization of these feelings made me stop, fork in mid air, and both feel a thrill of excitement and a torrent of dread for what was occuring.

I was falling for Jasper Whitlock.

**Sorry if this is slow so far, but it's going to get better...please drop a review. I would greatly appreciate it!**


	3. A Lady Worth Your Time

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight...but my mom thinks my stories are cool...lol

CHAPTER 3

JPOV

Bella Swan was, without a doubt, the most beautiful, intelligent, caring young woman I had ever, or will ever, have the pleasure of meeting.

I could not help the bubble of excitement that rushed through me as I arrived home from my walk with Bella. Just the memory of her beautiful, smiling face made a silly grin come to my own. There was just something about her that made me want more. Feelings that I couldn't put words to rushed through me as I sat through dinner, barely eating as I kept going back to our conversation.

My father occasionally asked me a question or two, but as soon as I responded my mind went back to Bella.

That night after dinner, as I lay in my bed, I wondered if you could fall in love with someone that you had met only a day ago. It seemed impossible, but there appeared to be no other explanation for the surge of emtions she caused within me. I wanted to be with Bella every waking moment, to make her laugh, see her smile, look into her beautiful eyes.

I was irrevocably in love with her.

The next day, I awoke with a new resolution.

I would make Isabella Swan fall in love with me.

I did not know if she felt the same way I did, though from the looks she gave me, I would suspect she felt something. But if she did not then I would do everything within my power to change her mind, though the occasional doubt seeped into my new resolution.

I dressed and made my way to breakfast with my parents. They were already seated around the mahogany table, my mother eating demurely from a bowl of porridge while my father read the papers, which were exploding with news of the Civil War.

My mother was the first to hear me enter the room. Her head flew up as a smile slowly crept up to her mouth. "Good morning, sweetie. How was your walk with that young lady yesterday. You have talked about her non stop, and I am becoming quite anxious to meet her." She said, clearly becoming very excited.

"Good morning to you too Mother. Father. Yes, my walk with Bella was very pleasant. We talked quite a bit and learned much about one another. I would also like to invite her to dinner here this evening or the next, if that is alright with you Mother." I said, feeling excited myself as I reminisced the events from yesterday.

My father had not uttered a single word through out our exchange as my mother practically burst with happiness. She began to blather about dinner and what china should she use, the food and various other things. I paid no heed to this, knowing that she was simply happy that I was interested in someone. My mother had been worried that I was too quiet, too shy and that I would not marry anytime soon. This clearly put her at ease.

My father grunted behind his newspaper as he set it down. He took a heart bite of bacon and a large swig from his coffee. Something was clearly disturbing him.

"Is something wrong Father? You seem quite upset." I said, my brow creasing.

"It is the same thing plauging many others in our new nation. It is the war, son. It seems we are losing more ground than we are gaining. Our armies are dwindling down to nothing, and those Yankees are gaining upon us." He said hurriedly.

I knew of this already, hearing it from the men at the Spring Ball.

"But things are not that bad, Father. Some say that General Lee should begin drafting men to increase his armies." I said, recalling the conversation I had overheard. My father shook his head.

"No, no my boy. It is far worse than any of us had expected. The deaths for the Coinfederate states has far exceeded that for the Union. Things are not looking very promising at the moment." He said darkly.

I wanted to help the Confederacy in this. I felt it was my duty to my family and to everyone else to enlist and try to aid in this bloody war. I would be helping so many if I only enlisted. Maybe joining would actually do some good...

"But do not enlist Jasper. You need to take over the family business when I retire...and I am afraid that the time is comming sooner than I had expected for that." He grunted, looking at me with a fierceness in his eyes that made ne nod my head.

He must have taken my nod as a sign of reassurance, for he sighed and leaned back against his chair. "I heard you wanted to invite a lady over for dinner. Your mother must be running around like a headless chicken trying to make the preparations." He said, smiling slightly at the mental image of my mother berating the cooks for not cooking the meal she had wanted and such.

"I hope she is a good girl, Jasper. A lady worth your time." With that last comment he finished his coffee and made his way to his study before heading out to work. My mother was still a giddy bubble of excitement as I finished my breakfast and made my way to my room where I had time to think about nothing but Bella.

The invitation had been sent out to Bella and they had accepted. Now the entire family stood at the enterance hallway, ready to greet our guests as soon as they knocked on our door.

I had fidgited with my mother over what suit to wear, as she kept ranting about how I should look nice for our visitors and make her look like a good mother. Throughout the whole day she had done nothing but worry over every little thing and I was no exception in the detailing of her perfect dinner.

Then, a knock.

Bella was here.

My mother actually squealed as a maid rushed to open the door. Bella, her mother and what I assumed to be her Aunt Josephine stepped into the hallway as they were about to be assaulted by my hyperactive mother.

"Oh, what a delightful trio of women you are, yes! I am unimaginably happy that you accepted our dinner invitation. Please, our meal shall be served in a few minutes, so if you would kindly follow me to the drawing room, we can chat a bit." And so she talked on and on, my father occasionally joining in their banter. Everyone seemed to get along just fine. I remained unmoving, simply observing the scene before me.

Bella stayed behind, waiting for me. She looked exquisite in a dark blue silk gown, her hair pulled up, revealing the smooth and graceful curves of her neck.

"I am truly glad to see you again Jasper, and very delighted that you invited us over for dinner." She said. I smiled at her and felt my heart skip a beat as she returned the gesture.

"I return the pleasure, Bella. I honestly can't say that I wasn't looking forward to this dinner. Even with my mother's frantic planning and worrying." I smiled as I said the last part. Bella blushed, as I knew she would, and began to walk towards the general direction of the adults' voices. I followed her, simply basking in the splendor of her prescence.

Dinner went underway without much diffculties. Other than the three occasions that Bella tripped, things went smoothly and soon everyone was enjoying the roast duck and other delicacies that the cooks made for this special occasion, as my mother put it.

As is it was, stared at Bella the entire duration of the meal, unable to peel my eyes from her angelic presensce. The sway od her hair, the upward curve of her lips when she smiled...it never crossed my mind _not_ look at the angel laughing along with company.

"...and then Bella decided that she was not taking no for an answer! She wanted that book badly, and when she tried to storm off the room she tripped on the rug and fell flat on her face. It did not help matters that the dog's bowl was presicely where her face made contact." Her mother gushed as we ate a delicious chocolate souflee for dessert. Everyone in the room burst forth with laughter, the wine obviously working its magic. I chuckeld under my breath, scooping more of the delicious treat into my mouth. Bella was under fire with her mother recalling various stories of her childhood, though she took it in all quite good naturedly. Except now she was tinted a most curious shade of red from the embarasment.

Feeling compassionate of her situation, I was about to offer her a tour of the house when she took a bite of her treat. She savored the chocolate flavor, closing her eyes slowly as the sweet ecstasy of the melting chocolate coursed through her. She slowly slipped the spoon out of her mouth, only to lick the remaining traces off of it.

Swallowing hard, I forced myself to look away, composing myself before daring to speak a single word.

"Is something the matter Jasper? Are you feeling alright?" She asked. She must have noticed the pained expression on my face, but mistaken it for something entirely different.

"No...I-I'm alright, thank you. But I would like it if you would acompany me on a special tour of the house, to clear my mind a little from my spell, that is. I have no other intentions, and I really wanted you to see the house but I would completely understand it if you didn't.." I rambled on, accutely aware that I was talking on incesantly because of my growing nerves. Bella smiled warmly, loosening some of my anxieties.

"There, there, I will acompany you on your grand tour. If not, who will inform your parents you decided to faint on me?" She said, humor evident in her voice.

"I just pray you do not end up with broken bones in the attempt to tell the others that I have taken to fainting. There is no need for two invalids." I said as we excused ourselves from the cheery atmosphere of the dining room.

I showed Bella around the main floor, letting her look around and ask the occasional question or hearing her thoughts on certain aspects. We went upstairs to the second floor, where all the bedrooms were. I let her peek in on the master bedroom and led her through a few others that we had no use for. Finally, I stopped in front of my own.

"I cannot assert that it is tidy enough for a lady to view it, but I have it on good authority that I am not dirty enough to keep it in shambles." I proclaimed, earning a laugh from beautiful Bella.

I opened the door slowly for added effect, making her giggle as I made shushing motions. Then, we stepped inside.

I knew my room by heart; I spent most of my time in here, after all. The bed was in the middle of my spacious room, flanked by a small wooden nightstand where several books were stacked teetering over the edge. A large window was in the east wall, giving us a clear view of the enormous backyard. A desk covered with papers was pushed against a wall, and a black armchair awaited me near a corner.

I gave Bella a few minutes to observe my habitat as I though of anything that would be misplaced that would cause me any embarassment. Ever since an incident that occured a few years back, I always kept my things most private things in a trunk at the foot of my bed. But one could never be too careful.

Satisfied that there was nothing, I turned to Bella and asked, "Well, what do you think?"

Wanting nothing more than her opinion, I paitently waited for her to answer. "Well, I think it's fantastic. It so like you, Jasper. It seems comfortable and homely. And organized. Much more than what I can say for my own bedchamber..." She trailed off as I beamed at her in pride that she had indeed liked my room.

"I cannot express in words how happy I am that a lady such as yourself has deemed my room worth of her." I said, expressing my emotions that the very moment.

She looked at me long and hard, assessing me under her scrutinizing gaze, all traces of humor gone. I could not help but do the same and stare back, though I was aware it was a rude. Wihout warning, she broke out into a smile, clearly satisfied with whatever she had read in my eyes.

"I am glad that I met you, Jasper. I haven't a knack for making friends, and being here in a new city knowing no one makes you lonely. But now I have you, and things have been looking much better." She whispered, blushing furiously as she did, wringing her hands again as she did in the ball.

I knew that it was hard for her to open up so much to anyone, and I appreciated her for the trust that she put in me to confide her feelings in such a manner.

I simply nodded in acknowledgement, knowing that no words were truly needed. I led her out of my room, glancing at her now passive face. But just as she was stepping foot on the hallway her foot caught and she began to plummet downwards.

I lunged for her without a second thought, wrapping my arms securely around her waist and steadying myself to keep us both from meeting the floor.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I was about to let her go when I looked at her gorgeous face. She had a blush in her cheeks, but was eyeing me with a burning intesity. I felt the nervousness and excitement rolling like waves off her, making my own heartbeat quiken its pace. I looked at he plump lips, admiring the velvety softeness that they appeared to have, imagining how they would feel against my own...

And before I could think more of her mouth, I pulled her closer to me, inching my face nearer, breathing in her sweet scent and wanting nothing more than to press her mouth against my own, even if I had barely known this girl for a few days.

She closed her eyes, and I felt myself do the same. We were centimeters apart, about to kiss, when I heard my mother call out.

"Jasper! Bella is leaving soon. Please come down!"

I jumped a bit from the surprise, nearly tumbling us down, but managing to regain my balance just in time. Breathless and laughing a bit, I took her hand and started to lead her downstairs. She didn't make any move to pull her hand from my grasp, a weak smile in her face, eyes still a bit cloudy with bewilderment.

"Breathe Bella. You're leaving, and it has been a very lovely evening. I have never had many people come over, but you I had to invite. Maybe we could do something tomorrow?" I inquired, fully aware of the fact that I was pushing things a bit by asking for another chance to be near her. Anything to be close to her.

"I'm fine, don't worry Jasper. Just a bit out of breath. And I would most certainly love to spend some more quality time with you. Afterall, you are my friend." She said as we came into view of the others.

Her mother looked quite cheery, and even her Aunt was looking more lively. My father had retired to his study and my mother chatted amicably with Mrs. Swan.

"Oh, there you are! I did not think that I would see you two again! Come now Bella, it is time for us to go!" Her mother called out to her. She nodded to her, squeezing my hand as she let it go. I felt empty as her hand left my own.

"Don't look so sad. We'll see each other again. Promise." She said as they lead her out the door. She turned around and began to walk out after her mother, but not before stopping abruptly and planting a small kiss on my cheek. She ran out as my mother closed the door, lifting her brow.

I ignored her gesture and trudged upstairs, thinking of Bella. She had said that we were friends, but now I was positive in entirety that I wanted to be more. Where before I was reserved, I knew now full well what it was that I wanted, what I felt. I wanted more than the pleasantries of two acquintances, of two who enjoy each other's company.

I wanted her as my own, as my lover, my wife, my soulmate.

We could never simply be friends.


	4. Struggles

**Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. I had a bunch of papers to write for school, and it was very time consuming. None the less, hope you enjoy it. Thanks to the people that reviewed. They make me write even when I have no idea what I should do.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Only if Stephenie Meyer would be kind enough to let me...**

CHAPTER 4

JPOV

The days that I managed to spend with Bella were the most magnificent of my entire life. She was never a twit like the other ladies I had been forced to escort, and always managed to think of the most absurd of comments, providing sufficient entertainment. That and her constant battle with gravity, though I never did mind saving her from the clutches of the ground, had made me laugh more than I had in years.

Yet not all was well in life. Problems had begun to arise for my father and his business, consuming most of his time. He was now constantly living in his office in the downtown district, swamped with problems for the various drilling sites and orders that he had been unable to keep up with. I tried my best to help him, going to the office as much as I possibly could after my classes, helping him sort through contracts and bills, which seemed to dominate the majority of his new home. I ran errands, traveling around the city, and had little time for much else. Our situation was slowly becoming graver, our prospects for recuperation dwindling slowly as the bills and debts mounted on my father's desk. Our lives were changing with every dollar that my father had to pay with money he did not have.

The clarity of the situation was not made entirely clear to me until one day my when my father called me into his office, and delivered the news that would determine my destiny, and that of Bella's, forever.

--àß--

"You wanted to speak with me, Father." I asked softly as I stepped into his office. What once was a grandiose and regal room had become run down and frazzled. It was much like the transformation that my father had undergone in the anxiety of debt.

"Yes, yes, come in boy. I needed to speak to you of important matters…" He trailed of, consumed in a report that he had received from one of his more productive sites.

I waited a moment, letting him immerse himself in the report before clearing my throat to remind him that I was still in the room.

He jumped in alarm, clearly forgetting that I had been in the same room with him. Sighing in apparent defeat, he put down the stack of papers that he had hid his nose in just seconds ago, his expression serious.

In that instant, I recognized the magnitude of the stress that my father was in. His blonde hair, which had merely been speckled with silvery strands, looked as through someone had sprinkled snow on it. His face, which had held the hard softness was lined and carved with creases from the constant creasing of his brow and the frowns that he now wore like a coat. His clothes, which he wore clean and crisp without fault, were rumpled and slightly dirty from the long hours that he now spent in the office. The transformations that he had undergone astounded me.

And it made me feel a deep, unsettling fear deep inside.

He fidgeted with some papers, a frown that I had now become all too familiar with reappearing on his lined mouth. I simply stood in front of his desk, shifting my weight from foot to foot. He was stalling, in a valiant effort to find the right words, the words that would convey to me the amount of trouble that he was in. But he needed no words. It was all too evident in the state that he was living in now. By simply looking deep into his eyes, I knew exactly what worried him. The emotions clearly spelled out in them were enough to make me look away.

"Jasper, son, we are, as you have come to notice, in financial struggle. The company is in debt with everyone, it seems, and everyone wants their money; money which I do not have to pay them back." He stopped, shifting in his seat. I simply waited for him to continue.

"I am afraid that, in consequence, we are all but broke. We do not have enough funds to pay the bank all the other people that we owe money too. It is only a matter of time before they take everything that we own."

I should have been better prepared for this-it was all too painfully clear that nothing could have forestalled this incoming tragedy. I felt foolish for feeling my face freeze in shock, silly for my jaw opening slightly in surprise. I had known, deep down, that this was coming down to this.

We were broke.

My father could not take the shock that my body betrayed at hearing the news of our misfortune. He looked as if in excruciating pain, his soul tortured for the pain that he was causing his one and only son.

Before my mind could register his actions, my father stood up abruptly, walking hurriedly to his window, which overlooked the bustling city. As silence engulfed the room, my father let out a strangled sob.

My father was crying.

Never in my life have I ever felt so helpless as I did at that moment. Seeing my father so helpless and...fragile. All that he had worked for his entire life was crumbling down right before his eyes. The legacy that he had hoped he could pass onto me was being ripped from him. And I could do nothing more but stand by and watch him wallow in his misery.

Wanting nothing more than to comfort him, I stode to his side and hugged him. My father was not a man for affections, but surprisingly, he hugged me back. He was sobbing, still, as he tried to explain himself to me.

"I am...a failure son. I...have nothing...to offer you...and your mother. You...both deserve...better than this." He managed to choke out.

"You are not a failure, Father. You are the one, single most pig headed people that I have ever met." I paused and added "Except for Bella, I'm afraid. She can be quite tenacious too."

"But now...you cannot offer her...marriage, Jasper. I have seen...the way you look at her...and you...love her. She loves you too...but now...you don not have something to...offer her." He cried out in self deprication and anguish.

"You have done nothing wrong, Father. You tried your best to provide for both my mother and me, taking care of our needs. Bella is an understanding person, and I am sure that she will comprehend our situation. But she has not expressed sentiments of love to me." I said, my own throat tightening as I though of what my father had said.

Pulling himself away from me and the window, he walked defeatedly back to his desk, slumping down on his leather chair.

"Go, son. Rest a bit. After receiving news like this, you should take a break." He ushured me out of his room with a tired flick of his hand, and feeling he needed to compose himself, walked silently out of the office, gently closing the door behind me as I made my way home.

--

Thoughts of our bankruptcy swirled in my mind as I ambled through the streets of the city. The fact that my father was falling apart hurt me more than the fact tat we were no longer of affluence. The image of him crying as he looked out of the window was forever going to be embedded in my mind.

And Bella. I had tried to avoid thinking of this subject, but the more that I put it off the more that it my mind returned to it. Through I hated to admit it, my father was right. I had nothing more to offer to Bella. I was poor, and she was more well off now that I was. I was not a good prospect for her, even though there was an undeniable connection between us. Money, after all, was more important than love in this society.

I had not noted that as I began to think of the implications of my father's reveltion on my relationship with Bella I had come to a complete stop. Startled, I looked around me and could see nothing more than people going about their every day lives, completely ignorant of my family's situation.

Then a sign caught my attention. It was a conderate ad trying to lure more young men to enlist in the Confederate army.

_Fight Against the Northerners_

_Help Fight For the Cause_

_The Confederate Army will recruit men_

_eighteeen and older._

_Soilders will be paid for their service._

_Join the Confederate Army today!_

I needed no more motivation. I was but a year from officially being able to enlist, but desperate times called for desperate measures. We had no money, and this would give us a bit more economic stability. Not giving things a second thought, I opened the door to the recruitment building and waited for an application to join the Confederate Army.

**This is definitely not a very romantic chapter, but it is the turning point of the story. Jasper needs the money, and right now he's desperate for any that he can scrounge up. Please review! It really does make me write faster and post more chapters when you guys do. **


	5. Honesty

**I truly do apologize for my lack of updates. Tests are piling up on me. I hope that I make it up by giving you this nice sappy chapter, and cross my fingers that you don't hate me by the end of it. And I also want to say sorry for any errors in this chatpter. I was typing it quickly and had no time to double check. And hello to my friend Keny!Hi buddy! Glad you are enjoying the story so far :)**

**I do not own the Twilight series. Sigh...**

CHAPTER 5

Preoccupations and fears instilled themselves in my mind. I had not heard from Jasper in days and the agony that his absence caused was driving me to the brink of perpetual insanity. It appeared to be as if he had forgotten me, obliterated the memories we shared...I was falling deeper into a hole dug up by the truths that my mind conjured everyday that he was absent.

Though my heart furiously vowed that the moments Jasper spared to come visit were evidence of his affections for me, the larger and more venomous part whispered that the distant gaze and indifferent demeanor told more than any words he could utter ever could. I was nothing more than a charity case for him now; being the naive girl from Washington was not enough to be near the presence of someone of Jasper's importance.

These thoughts plagued me every waking moment and caused me to scream out in terror when the nightmares that marred me assaulted my troubled mind. So lost was I in the sea of sorrow that I had created for myself that I nearly toppled off my bed as a maid came knocking on my door.

The young maid opened the door hesitantly, approaching me as if I were a frightened animal. Maybe she had reason to do so.

"Miss... Mr. Whitlock is awaiting your presence downstairs." She whispered fearfully. She did not look me in the eye, rather staring intently at the floor with newfound interest.

"Yes...tell him I will be down immediately." I said almost absently. She scurried away, practically running out of my bedchamber.

I had not been the most amicable person with the turmoil raging ceaselessly within me. I was irritable and snapping at everyone for the most insignificant things. I hated myself for doing so, but could not help the mounting stress that not knowing caused.

The mere knowledge that he was here, in downstairs, drew me from my stupor. I had not another moment to lose sitting here in my room while I could be near him. He may not want me now, but if I could only hear his melodious voice one last time, smell his fragrant essence, then I would be content.

I ran out of my room without a second thought, gasping as I tripped over the last step.

In the past, Jasper had always been there to catch me when my clumsiness decided to make an appearance. He was there to catch me from my moments of inevitable freefall, smiling every time he did so.

But now I expected no Jasper. He was not going to be there to catch me when I fell down staircases. He would not catch my arm as my feet catch on the train of my dress either.

Jasper was not going to be there.

I closed my eyes tightly, preparing myself for the painful impact of the cold floor.

It never came.

I felt a strong pair of arms wrap around me and hold me close. The warmth that spread through me as I inhaled the intoxicating smell of my savior made me smile, just as I did before Jasper became so unbearably distant.

As I slowly opened my eyes, I looked directly into Jasper's tender gaze. He was different in a manner that I could not pin point what the transformation was-it was as if there was a sadness of an impending departure he was trying to convey.

I dismissed the feeling, simply reveling in the display of emotions that he was finally casting my way. He straightened, lifting me with him, no signs of relinquishing his hold on me evident.

"Jasper..." I breathed, dizzy with happiness.

"Bella...I see your clumsiness has kept you company." He said sadly.

"Yes...I am afraid that it is one companion that will never leave my side." I responded with a slight smile, attempting to lift his spirits.

The immediate downcast look that clouded his face warned me that my comment had the opposite effect. His eyes looked pained, pleading silently with me for something I did not know. As I made a move to step out of his arms, afraid of having done something wrong, he held me tighter to him. Sighing deeply, he began to talk.

"I...It is difficult for...Bella, I-" He was stammering for words, his thoughts scattered and incoherent. I silently waited for him to make up his mind.

Sighing again, he tried to speak again.

"I am aware that my...behavior has been less than pleasant lately, Bella. Things...problems...have arisen and have been consuming my time." He paused, collecting himself before continuing.

"I never wanted to hurt you with my actions Bella, and by the look in your eyes I can tell you have been pained at my expense." He said, looking at me sadly." And I despise myself for doing this to you."

The tortured look on his godly face made my heart shatter. I drew my hand to his cheek, cupping his face lightly, turning it so he it was facing me. His downcast eyes inched upward until they met my gaze, a somber smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. As I opened my mouth to tell him he was wrong, that he had no reason for such self hatred when he held his finger to my lips, silencing the arguments that were about ot be springing from them.

"You have to say nothing more Bella. I can feel it. And it adds all the more to the fire of loathing deep within me." He stopped abruptly, gently taking my hands in his.

"Jasper, you have nothing to hate yourself for. I am the one who has acted like an utter fool this entire time, begging for your time when you were so consumed by more important and pressing matters. It was all my fault, really." I babbled, desperate to find a way to comfort him. He once again pressed his finger to my lips lightly, silencing me as he had done moments ago.

"I have to tell you everything that I have been withholding Bella. I have let too much time pass and now...I am afraid that it is too late." His eyes pleaded with me to stay silent, and I complied. I braced myself for the words of rejection to come from his lips.

"You are the most amazing, caring, wonderful, beautiful woman that I have ever met. I find myself awed by your mere presence, Bella. In all the years of my entire existence there has not been anyone that I have ever cared for and wanted more than you. The moment that I set eyes on you at the ball I knew you were special...if Mrs. Hammond were here I would thank her with complete sincerity for setting up that retched ball where we met.

And as I spent more time with you, my awe only grew. Every detail that I uncovered about you only made me realize just how unique and great you were. And as I did, my affections for you also flourished."

I held my breath in anticipation. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that Jasper Whitlock would be confessing his affections for me, a simple ordinary girl. Jasper took a breath and continued.

"I found my affections to be more than that. I found that I...that I loved you, Isabella Swan. That I am irrevocably and completely in love with you." He said fiercely and with conviction. His hands had not let go of my own, and his gaze was ablaze with emotions that only proved the truth of his statement. I found my eyes tear up at this as I could no longer withhold my feeling. I had kept it all bottled up inside for far too long. And it was only a matter of time before things burst.

"I love you too Jasper! I have been in love with you for a long time, and cannot express the magnitude of my feelings for you in words. Everything about you entices me. Your laughter, charisma...everything. I love you, Jasper Whitlock." I said, surprising both Jasper and myself with my sudden straightforwardness. I blushed as I realized I blurted out my feelings for him without giving proper warning, as he had.

"Bella...nothing makes me more elated than to hear that you feel the same about me." He grinned madly as I threw my arms around his neck, pecking him on the cheek before he turned his head and met my lips with his own.

Kissing Jasper was something that I had only dreamed about. Never did I think that I would actually feel his soft lips against my own, the light pressure of his body against mine as our mouths moved together in perfect sync. He held me tenderly as I moved my hands up to his soft hair, clutching him closer. The sweetness of the moment was incomparable to any that I had ever experienced before. It was a moment I would never forget.

As our kiss ended, Jasper gave a small laugh, shaking his head from side to side.

"What's the matter? Why are you laughing?" I questioned.

"I...it's just that I hoped that I would be able to declare my love for you in a much more...upscale place. It is hardly romantic to declare your love to the woman of your dreams next to a staircase." He said, flinging his hands around as he spoke.

I stayed silent for a moment, mulling over his confession.

"Where did you want to inform me of your undying love, then?" I teased, glad that we were slowly returning to our easy banter that had been absent for the past few weeks. I felt a pressure being lifted from my chest, unaware that it was even there in the first place.

"I wanted to take you to the opera. A theatre production. Something along those lines. And then have a nice, romantiv dinner where I would tell you my hearts' desires." He whispered in a rough voice.

I wrapped my arms around Jasper and sighed contentedly. Just as I was closing my eyes, I felt Jasper tense. I glanced up to him, a puzzled look on my face as he shut his eyes, grimacing.

"What's wrong?" I whispered urgently, worried.

"There was a reason that I was unable to carry out the plans that I had for us, Bella. There are complications that you are not aware of, Bella." He muttered, turning his face to the side.

"You can tell me, Jasper. You can trust me." I whispered as he turned to look at me once again. His look was long and hard, scrutinizing the emotions displayed on them. After a minute of inspection, he began.

"My family is in trouble. Trouble that we cannot get away from. The oil company has been gathering large sums of money in debts that have left us in bankruptcy." He said morosely, letting the news sink in. I could do nothing more than to stare at him in horror.

"We have nothing left. The bank is to evict us and sell our belongings. We are destitute Bella. That is why I have been so distant lately. Why I have no more time to spend with you. I have been swamped with the problems of the bankruptcy." He did not look at me, simply looking down at out intertwined hands. It took a moment for me to find my voice, the shock of his confession settling in my mind.

"You...lost everything?" I said faintly. He merely nodded. "You...could have told me Jasper. Instead of keeping it inside, you might have spoken of your troubles. This is something...devastating. And even though you have nothing, even though you think I will not have you anymore because of this...I still love you." I whispered as tears began to sting my eyes. I knew by the look he gave me that my last assumption had been correct. His own eyes began to get watery, looking at me with desperation.

"I am so sorry Bella. I should have told you everything when I found out. I should have...and maybe I would have never done what I did." He gasped wildly as sobs began to wrack his body, just as they did my own.

"What...what are you talking about?" I managed to sputter between sobs.

"Bella...I...joined the...Confederate Army." He choked out, tears streaming down his face.

In that single moment I felt my heart twist painfully, as if a knife had plunged through it. A moment later, it felt as if someone had ripped said heart out of my body. The agony made it nearly impossible to breathe, though death did not seem unpleasant at the moment.

He was leaving. Joining the army, where he could get killed. Jasper was not coming back.

My sobbing escalated as my pain increased. I crumpled to the ground, Jasper holding me tightly to his chest as he tried to console me. He whispered words of comfort, tough I heard none. The only emotions were those of anguish rush through me, battering me. We sat at the base of the staircase as I continued to cry, hours dragging by as my tears soaked Jasper's clothing, nothing left that either one of us cloud do.

He promised to come back safely, to keep himself alive while out in the battlefields.

He promised to write every chance that he had, every week, at least.

He promised to gather enough money from his service to come back and help his family, and if he could spare any, to save enough so that he could marry me and start a family.

I sat silently, tears running down my eyes as he made those promises, accutely aware that he could not keep all of them.

You never got what you wanted.

**Reviews, anyone?? Please??**


	6. Money and Pride

**I want to take this time to thank you to all the people that have reviewed. It makes me smile evry time that I read one. I am also sad to say that there is little left to this story, and that soon things will be ending. Hope you enjoy this chapter and drop a review.**

**I do not own Twilight.**

CHAPTER 6

BPOV

Time seemed to drag by slowly after Jasper confessed to joining the Confederate Army. He gave up on the idea of trying to save his father's oil company, everyone well aware that there was nothing to be done to stop the bank's impending possession of their properties.

We spent every moment together, constantly talking about everything and anything that came to mind. I had still not come to terms with Jasper's future departure completely, and he, sensing my conflicted emotions, avoided the topic as much as possible. To take both our minds off the subject, we spoke, trying to fill in every gap of silence that occasionally fell upon our encounters, conscious of the direction our thoughts would inevitably take if we let them wander.

As much as we tried to veer off that certain path of immeasurable pain, we both knew that it was only a matter of time before he had to officially proclaim his new position as a soldier.

It was hard when he informed me of his decision, but it was even harder when the time came for him to speak with his parents.

When the he told his father the news of his new army position, there were no words that could describe the look in the poor man's face. A haunted look overcame the weathered features, a sort of desperation underlying the fear that dominated his blue gaze. He was speechless, and after a few minutes of awkward silence, he later shared with me, he asked to be left alone, isolating himself for hours in his thrashed study. Without further explanation to be said after Mr. Whitlock's request, his only son, his joy and pride, silently walked out of his ravaged room.

His mother, on the other hand, did not take things as sedately as her husband had.

Jasper informed me with a pained look in his eyes that she had gone hysteric. She began to cry inconsolably, pulling at her immaculate hair, the carefully applied makeup smearing and mixing with her haphazard tears. She begged him to stay, to not go to his certain death; she threw herself at him, hugging him fiercely in vain attempts to force him to remain by her side. She cursed to war with profound sincerity for taking away her only child, wildly trying to fight an unseen foe like a lioness in a fight to keep her cub safe. The broken hearted look he sported after that conversation made my own wounds sting in reminder of the separation to come.

We were sitting in the parlor of Aunt Josephine's house, drinking tea and eating sweets while we had our daily conversations. The sun was bright and unforgiving as it shone through the large windows of the pasty room. Things had gone silent as a lapse in our conversation settled.

"My departure is tomorrow; I have to leave to Fort Meyer at dawn." Jasper informed me in a nonchalant voice.

Though we had tried to avert this certain topic, we knew that we could not evade it for eternity.

I was shocked, to say the least; his departure was supposed to be in four days.

Sensing my surprise, he further elaborated.

"They sent me a telegram. The army needs as many soldiers as possible, and has decided to push ahead my leave. It seems they are more desperate than everyone thought." He said, fixing his gaze to a point beyond my head.

The delicate china teacup that I had gingerly held shook uncontrollably as he continued to explain. My nerves were more than slightly shaken; he was leaving tomorrow. He was going to take the train that would separate us, more so than his actions had.

Tears began to sting my eyes, my breathing becoming rapid and shallow. No, he couldn't leave so soon; I had planned to prepare myself for the separation in the next few days he had left, to create a sort of barrier in a cowardly attempt at keeping the unbearable pain away. He was leaving, going, never coming back. The burst of sorrow and fear that pulsed through me at that moment were strong enough to bring forth the tears I had managed to keep at bay, a strangled sob escaping my constricting throat.

I was falling apart at that instant, barely able to keep myself together in the hurricane of emotions roiling through me.

And like a beam of light breaking through darkened skies, I felt the warmth of another near me, enveloping my shivering body.

"It's alright Bella….I'm not gone yet. I'm still here with you." Jasper's voice rang out, clear and calm through the choppy seas my tears formed in my eyes.

"But…y-you'll…le-leave me. I-I-I c-can't…t-take that. I'll d-die, Jasper." I blubbered, my voice resoundingly thick with the gripping pain of sadness.

I chanced at that moment to look at Jasper, wanting nothing more than to see his reaction; and instantly regretted it.

He had not truly shown his emotions throughout the turmoil his announcement had wrought. He was, for the most part, the most calm and collected of any of us through everything that had happened up until that moment. His carefully constructed façade was good enough that it had fooled me only in the surface; the flashes of anguish that flickered into his eyes told me that under the calm demeanor he was suffering more than I could possibly imagine.

"Don't, Bella. Please, this is hard enough as it is. I don't think that I can do this anymore if you…: he trailed off, the lamentations pronounced in his now husky voice.

I tried to calm myself down as much as possible, angry with myself for making him feel so awful. Taking deep, calming breaths, I reigned in the raging emotions until I felt relatively empty, a sort of relief washing through me.

If there was any way that I was going to survive without Jasper, then this would have to do fine.

I managed to get my sobbing to subside, hiccupping a little now that was considerably calmer. At that moment, Jasper began to speak.

"You cannot possibly imagine how difficult this is for me Bella. I have to give up everything that I know, walk away from the people that love me to kill my countrymen.

They may not be Southern, but we are from the same America , are we not? Even if we all have different views on the issues that are plaguing our society, we do not need t resort to killing one another.

I simply wish that there was an easier way to find peace instead of shooting at one another, killing innocent people." He stopped here, breathing deeply as I remained transfixed on his every word.

I mulled over it as he gathered his thoughts, thinking over what he had said.

It was true. He was right, and it was such a shame that not everyone could see things in such clarity as Jasper did.

"Then why do it? Why sign up to fight in a war that you don't believe in?" I whispered, knowing that he was anticipating this very question as he had given that little speech.

He looked from that point above my head that he had been staring at while I had given his words thought.

Still staring at me intently, he continued.

"Yes, why fight in a war I find pointless and bloody. Why risk my life for a cause I do not support. There's one simple answer to that: money and pride.

You know of the current situation that my family is in, unfortunately. The day my father told me about them, I was desperate to do anything to help. In my haste I walked by the recruitment offices and saw that they were paying the soldiers money to fight."

I held my breath as he confessed this; it had been the only explanation I had ever wanted to know.

"And as I mentioned, pride also played a part in my decision. I'm a Southerner, through and through no matter what. I felt it a responsibility to aid my country in any way possible, even if it means that I might die in the process.

Not only that, but the guilt that consumes me at the sight of the pain that I'm causing is...unbearable. My parents are trying their hardest to act brave and keep me from seeing them die a bit more everytime they see me. They don't want me to see the extent of their pain at losing me. Especially you, Bella. It tears me up inside when I see you cry because I made the choice to fight. I can feel it." He whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear.

I sighed deeply, aware the pain he must have been feeling and of the finality in his last few words. He wanted to speak no more, and now I had all the explanations that I had wanted.

I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, feeling the need to comfort him in any way possible. In a sudden impulse, I traced my lips across his jaw, kissing his neck, his cheeks, and his eyelids as they dropped. I held him as he slowly gathered the fringes of his composure.

"Are you alright?" I whispered, lightly brushing my mouth against his.

"I am. But I still feel a ridiculous amount of guilt." He said, pressing his mouth closer to mine. His sweet breath and hypnotizing eyes mesmerized me, propelling me to unconsciously lean in closer to him, to more firmly kiss him.

It was a sweet, sad kiss to say the least. There was barely any room for anything else to be felt at that moment.

We sat there in the parlor and talked through the entire day, never stoping as we occasionally had before. The knowledge of Jasper's imminent departure only brought with it a sense of urgency to spend as much time possible with my personal angel. As the blanket of night overcame the now quiet city, he announced that he had to go home and prepare.

"I still have to finish packing. I told my parents about my earlier leave, and my mother has been running around, packing this and that into my luggage." He said as we walked to the door.

"It must be very difficult for her. She's just trying to mother you as much as possible before heading off." I commented, saddening at the mental image of Mrs. Whitlock frantically shoving shirts and socks into his bags.

"I know. It only makes me sad." He whispered as he began to head out.

Sighing, I turned around, feeling the bottled up emotions close to spilling from the tight grip that I had managed to keep on them after my sudden outburst when I fel his warm hand gently wrap around my wrist. Turning me, he gently put his hands on wither side of my face and kissed me.

"You'll be there when I leave, will you not?" He asked as we broke apart.

"Of course. I'll always be there, Jasper." I whispered as I looked into his eyes, feeling very helpless at that moment.

Without another word, he kissed me forehead and waved as he rushed down the street.

I had no sleep that night. The moment that I closed my eyes nightmares plagued me, emotional pain bursting through me. Fatigued by the recurrent horros my mind played behind closed eyelids, I resorted to reading by candlelight as the dawn approached.

Before the first rays of sunlight tinged the dark sky, I was ready to leave. I had told my mother of Jasper's immediate call by the army, and she had agreed to acompany me to the train station.

As the sun climbed higher I tried to continue reading, but my mind wandered elsewhere. Giving up my efforts, I began to pace the length of my room, impatient. The relief I felt when I heard my mother's knock on the door was palpable.

"Bella, are you ready? It is almost time for us to leave dear. I imagine you would not want breakfast at this time." My mother said as she stood at the doorway. She had seen me mope around the house more than I would have liked, and knew of my distress.

"I do not want breakfast. Let's go." I said curtly, grabbing a shawl and rushing out the door, my mother screaming behind me to slow down.

I barreled out the door and climbed into the carrige, surprise registering only after I was seated at the fact that I had not tripped in my rush to get to the train station. Jasper certainly worked wonders.

The carrige ride was tense to say the least. My mother tried to make cheerful conversation, but I was not in the mood to hear her talk on and on about who was having an affair with who. I simply wanted to see Jasper one last time.

I practically flew out of the door once we stopped infront of the train station, and in my haste my foot got caught on one of the ladder's steps. Mentally berating myself for such carelessness, I closed my eyes, preparing myself for the impact to come.

As I felt the air swoosh around me, I was jerked back by strong, familiar arms. My heart began to palpitate in an unhealthy manner, beating too fast for it to be normal. I felt that treacherous blush creep up to my cheeks, even though I knew my savior was Jasper even before opening my eyes.

Sure enough, he was the one holding me up, gently setting me to my feet as I blatantly stared. I felt a need to memorize the sraight and defined lines of his face, his deep azure eyes, his honey blonde hair. At that moment there was a burning desire to memorize every detail I could.

"Are you alright?" He asked, worry laced with amusement evident in his tone. He had known I had been staring.

I managed to nod as I finished my scrutiny, blushing furiously at being caught gawking. He took my hand and gently pulled me along beside him, smiling in encouragement as we made our way to his platform.

"I'm leaving in five minutes. I was worried you wouldn't be able to make it." He confessed, looking down at his feet in a sudden dispay of shyness.

I felt something tug at my heart at his apparent distress.

"I made it Jasper. How could I not come." I said, looking down as well.

"I know. But it didn't stop the fear I felt at the thought of not being able to say goodbye." He said, locking eyes with me as I looked up to see his face.

The intensity of his stare was burning me, setting aflame evry inch of my being with the love that shone through them. I stepped closer, destroying the space left and clutched him tightly to me, burrying my face into his chest. I felt him wrap his arms tightly around me, smoothing out my hair and murmuring occasionally.

It seemed as if we had embraced for hours not minutes as someone tugged at Jasper's sleeve. I looked up and saw his mother give us a weak smile.

"Your train is going to be here in a minute, sweetheart." She said. The fears that I had managed to control a day before now let loose, bringing tears to my eyes now that the moment was finally here. Jasper did not relinquish his hold on me as I stared at him, knowing that my eyes would tell him of the hopelessness that was slowly killing me. With a sudden ferocity, he grabbed my face with both hands and made me look him straight in the eye.

"Listen to me Bella. I love you. Nothing will ever change that. I may be gone for months, but you can never doubt that I love you, no matter what." He said passionately. I managed to nod as heaving sobs coursed through me.

"When I come back, I'll marry you. I hope that you stay here long enough for that, and that I manage to return. I'll save up some money so that we can build a little home on the country, surrounded by nature and no one to bother us. We will live happily together, Bella. And even if I don't make it back, I'll always be there wil you. Always." He whispered as tears began to trickle out of the corner of his eyes.

My throat was too tightly closed up with tears as he gave me a last farewell kiss. It was so ful of feeling that it left me reeling from the intensity of it after we had seperated.

He stepped away and the knives thathad been stabbing my heart as he had said his goodbye plunged in deeper as he hugged his father and held his mother, who was crying and wailing made the pain only more accute.

I had not even noticed the other men that were saying similar goodbyes to their loved ones and the wails of thoe who were losing the man they loved. They shuffled into the train, which I had also not noted was there. The conducted blew the horn in warning for all the men to get in, and Jasper held my hand as he made his way in.

He let go and turned around as they were closing the doors. I stood, dumbstuck, as the train began to slowly pull away, my gaze fixated on Jasper the entire time. My heart felt like it was being ripped out of my body as the train inched farther away, gathering speed. Before I knew what I was doing, I ran after it, screaming his name is hopes he would come back, tell the conducter that he had to get off.

I knew deep down it was a useless thing to run after the locomotive, and slowed my steps as it got farther and farther away.

In mere minutes it was out of view.

**This is** **a very sad chapter, but it had to be done. Don't worry, the hearbreak won't last long. They'll have their happy ending. And you'll be reading it sooner if you review!!**


	7. Changes

**I'm sorry for the lack of updates on my part. Finlas have been getting to me lately. Nothing better than studying for tests and completing projects that the teachers could have assigned long before. And as to answer the question that many have been asking me lately: Will they be turning into vampires? Well, this chapter has some of the answers. Hi G.I. Joe!**

**I do not wont Twilight.**

JPOV

Torture.

There was no apt way to describe the feelings that surged through me as I saw Bella for the last time; her beautiful tear stained face forever haunting, begging me to stay. I felt my heart rip into a million tiny pieces, my throat constricted with restrained emotion.

I simply closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing, trying to make myself feel whole again. I felt the air come in and out of my lungs; I heard the constant motions of the train, the loud voices of men speaking to one another drifting in and out of my compartment. But there was nothing left on the inside.

I felt almost as if I were floating, far away from the moving vehicle, in another time and place. I felt disconnected from the world, in too much pain to be a properly functioning part of the human race.

I did not note when we arrived to Fort Meyer ; I had fallen asleep sometime during the train ride. I could hear the officers that rushed into the locomotive shout commands and orders to the new recruits, directing men out and into their assigned troops.

I rose, stiff from the uncomfortable position I had fallen asleep in. I swung my bags out of under the seat and lumbered out to the bright light of a shining sun.

It was chaotic to say the least; men were scurrying around everywhere, tents set up haphazardly all around the perimeter. The commanders, in their crisp and fresh uniforms, draped in medals and badges, shouted orders to the soldiers that had already taken residence in the sagging tents that they now called home.

Not knowing where I was supposed to be headed, I walked around, trying to approach one of the commanders and ask where it was that I was supposed to be.

As I was getting ready to perform this task, I bumped into a soldier that had been carrying soiled rags. He fell to the floor, his armful of cloths fluttering to the air before settling to the ground like muddied feathers.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience." I said, helping him up as he began to collect his charges.

He hastily gathered them back into his arms before replying.

"It's alright. There is too much madness going on at the moment." He said as he got ready to run off again.

"Wait! I was wondering if you could possibly help me. I am a new arrival here, and have absolutely no idea where it is I am supposed to be." I explained as he looked at me, nodding every once in a while.

He was young, but looked earnest. A mop of dirty blond hair topped his head, falling into his hazel eyes as they looked at me with a burning curiosity.

"Yes, yes, it happens when the new recruits come. What is your name?" He asked.

"Jasper Whitlock, sir." I replied, looking at him blankly.

"You go to the end of the camp- over to the red flag over there. We get separated by alphabetical order." He explained as he briefly pointed to where I was to go.

"Thank you for your help…" I trailed off, having forgotten that I had not asked him for a name.

"Officer Joseph Zimmerman, at your service. I wish you the best of luck." He said, unable to properly salute me with an armful of dirty fabric piled up in his scrawny arms. He ran off back to wherever he was headed before literally running into me.

Other than my brief exchange with the young soldier, I realized I had not spoken to anyone for hours. I did not feel the desire to communicate with another human being, or to be surrounded by anyone other than the one that I needed most at that very moment.

The tightness was creeping back into my throat, and the stinging of my eyes warned me it was time to put aside those sentiments. Without a second thought of movement of hesitation, I headed towards the general direction of the flag and my new home.

Months passed by as decades. Time seemed to drag along like a sloth, barely progressing and sending me further into a self induced insanity.

Once my basic training had been completed, the commanders of my particular troop had been especially pleased by my progress. They quickly promoted me as was sent to my first assignments.

Though it was arduous work, it never seemed to be enough to keep my mind occupied long. In time my thoughts drifted back to her- to my Bella. It did not matter what time of day it was or what I was doing at that moment, her smiling face always came to my mind's eye in a constant reminder of what it was that I had left behind.

The memories that we had shared played over and over like a film behind my retinas, mocking me in my solitude and depression.

The regrets were eating away at my conscience, gnawing at my soul for having caused so much pain to all of those that I loved and cared for.

All in all, I was a complete wreck.

I could not concentrate as I directed the people of Galveston to safety, as I had now been assigned major. It was ridiculously easy to fool the army, and without a shred of pride I recognized I was probably the youngest major in the entire army.

Scared faces looked at me trustingly as I shouted orders and commands, chipping away a little more at the broken fragments of my heart. Families rushed around me, scurrying to safety, trusting me with their lives as I tried my best to keep myself from breaking down.

The day had been nothing short of hell, unforgiving on anyone standing outside in the blistering heat and humidity of the city, feeling as if I was physically melting under the intense rays. The myriad of problems that arose from the confusion were ever present throughout the day and well after the night settled in. As the darkness envelpoed the city, I began to make my final rounds. I was drained of energy, depleted of it, as I made one last check that everything was under control.

The roads were dark by the time that I walked back to the camp. I was feeling particularly lonely. It was times like these when I was left alone with my private thoughts that I felt most accutely my losses. It was times like these that I beat myself over and over for having given up such a special thing that I had had with Bella.

I was so absorbed in my memories that I did not note the three figures walking towards me in the growing dark. It was only when I felt an unreasonable sense of danger eminating from up ahead that I first saw them.

They were glowing in the soft moonlight. Their pale skin seemed luminescent as they appraised me, looking me up and down. They were all girls, young by the looks of them, and stunningly beautiful.

My mind immediately froze-though they were beyond gorgeous, there seemed to be an...unnaturalness to them. As the small, Mexican girl approached me, I could do nothing more than to stand frozen in place.

She was pale, with lush dark hair and small, delicate features. She seemed so fragile, yet moved with an underlying power and grace that I could do nothing more than to stare. She approached me, looking me up and down, inspecting me as if I were cattle.

"Hmm...you have potential. Not bad looking either. Tell me, soldier, what is your name." She commanded.

Nothing short of the gentleman that my mother had raised me, I answered, "Major Japser Whitlock, at your service, ma'am."

She nodded her head, not looking away from me. I began to fidget nervously, wondering what she was looking at so intensely. Did I have something on my face? Had I forgotten to put my pants on? I was so fearfully engrossed on the girl that I had ignored the others with her.

"Will you keep him, Maria? He seems...like a good catch." One of the girls spoke up, her voice melodic as it echoed through the deafening silence that had settled ominously over us.

"Wait, Nettie." Maria spoke, flicking her hand in a shushing motion.

She nodded her head again, as if finally coming to a decision. I felt a bead of sweat roll down my forehread.

"You will do. Wait for me down the road." She said outloud, instucting the other girls as they walked faster than I had thought possible in the opposite direction. I felt the sudden urge to call after them, to not leave me alone with this frightening creature.

She circled me, lightly touching my arm. She looked up innocently into my eyes, so big and wide that they brought a flash of memory. Bella.

I remembered her warm eyes and tinkling laugh, her lusterous hair and charming smile. I stuggled to keep her in my mind's eye as Maria leaned in to, what looked like, kiss me.

"No, miss, this isn't-" I began before she launched herself at me.

She bit down on my neck, breaking the skin. She began to drink my blood as pain began to settle into me, raging through my veins as she quickly disengaged her mouth from my throat. I crumpled to the ground as a searing fire began to spear my veins, knifing me from the inside.

I curled up, the pain intensifying as I felt it slowly spread throughout my body, burning me. I felt myself lose consciousness as the fire compiled, and heard Maria whisper, "You are mine forever."

I closed my eyes and a final image flittled behing my eyelids. Bella.

--

**I was going to add BPOV, but my mother is getting...irritated. I will update in three days, or as soon as possible. The sister is also on my case. Please review!**


	8. Dead Inside

**I want to apologize for my lack of updates. It has been very hard for me to have any time lately to type, but I felt bad and managed to get this done. Also sorry for any errors you might find in the chapter. **

**I do not own Twilight. If I did, my name would be Stephenie Meyer, wouldn't it?**

BPOV

Torture.

There was no other apt way to describe the feelings that coursed through me after Jasper's departure. Every day that I spent apart from him, from his kind eyes to his warm smile, killed me a little more inside.

The gaping hole that had been left in the wake of this disaster and the intolerable throbbing of loss that came with it forced me into a state of numbness. I had never before felt such a deep feeling of loneliness and sadness as I did in that period of time. I spent days on end locked in my room, laying limply on my bed, staring at nothing in particular while willing my mind to refrain from riveting to the many memories of the one that I loved in fear that the ever consuming pain would finally finish me off.

I lost track of time as my self induced confinement conitinued. I barely managed to eat; my body felt as if it needed no sustenance. What was the point of it now that I had lost what I loved most in this life? My mother would barge into my room, her face lined with new wrinkles from the worry that I blatanly caused, feeding me like she did when I was a child when I did not pay attention to my body's needs. It was in those moments when I felt an inkling of guilt for the behavior that I upheld, for the hurt that I was causing to those that I loved.

She occasionally tried to make small talk with me, though the conversation was completely one sided. She would try to make me answer her, to say anything at all. She would beg and threaten and cry for me to go back to the Bella that she had come to know in the past seventeen years; but I was never going to be the same. I would never go back to being the girl I was all because of one man. Jasper.

"You did not eat yeaterday, Isabella; you need to eat this delicious soup that Mary prepared. Please, just eat this darling." My mother coaxed me, setting the bowl of soup on my nightstand. I merely gazed at her emptily.

She fretted with the end of her shawl, picking at the loose threads, a frown that I had become all to familiar with smothered over her lined mouth. It was all to clear to the both of us that I would not do as she suggested.

Sighing in resignation, she got up from my bed and looked at me long and hard. There were so many different emotions swirling in her eyes; fear, anger, sadness, and worry all tinged in two blue orbs.

"Why do you do this to yourself Isabella? Why do you torture yourself in this manner, this nonliving that you are set on. Jasper was a wonderful young man; he was the best thing that happened to you. I could see it plain as day whenever he was around, the way you acted was so much more cheerful and uplifted that it has ever been, and I have known you for all your life. But he is gone now, and God knows when we will see him again. You must move on, Bella; if not for me, then for him. He would have wanted more for you than this new existance." she said, all the while holding my gaze as the words came flowing out, like a dam that broke deep within her.

I lay unresponsive as she waited for me to react. What did she want me to do? To get up and act merrily when all I felt was a deathly sadness inside? She had no idea of how it was that I felt; she could not possibly know.

Tears began to form in her eyes as I looked away, out the window. I did not see her exit, but merely heard her dainty footsteps fade away.

My own mother wanted me to move on; but how could I? It was simply too difficult to just leave this hurt in a corner of my mind; to ignore the constant pain that rippled through me day and night. How could I act like I wanted to live when all I wanted was to die?

I felt moist tears roll down my cheeks as these thoughts swirled and grew in my mind. They were like a wildfire, spreading rapidy and giving shape to a new idea that I had not contemplated before.

Just as I was beginning to think of this new occurance something caught my eye out in the street. Though it was twilight and darkness was quickly settling down, a flash of blonde hair bobbed through my blurred vision.

My mind ceased all action. Was it possible that it was him? Was he back so soon? Did he return because he simply could not go?

Without a second thought I dashed out of my door, stumbling as I flew down the starcase barefoot. I slammed open the front door and tore down the street, dimly noting someone was screaming my name back in the general direction of my home.

I felt the burning of my lungs as I tried to suck in more air; the burning of my legs as they began to tire. But all I could focus on was the tall manly shape with the headfull of blonde hair- at that time so sure it was Jasper's.

I stumbled every now and then as I neared this familiar stranger. I was wheezing as I kept getting closer and closer, only getting more and more convinced that it was my love I was running after when the man turned around.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

He had to have been the most beautiful man that I had ever layed eyes upon. His face was serene and angelic; a true masterpiece I had no right set sight upon. His kind topaz eyes looked sympatheticly at me, taking note of my crazed appearance. His skin was eerily pale, yet glowingly beautiful.

Yet all I could register in my mind was that in fact this man was not Japser; he had not come back.

I felt a sob rip through me as realization set in. Jasper wasn't here, He had not come back. This was stranger that bore some resemblance the the man that I so desperately loved.

The sobs only increased in frequency as I stumbled backward, unaware of the busy streets. I only managed to stumble more and more backward as the angel's brow creased in worry and confusion.

"You...no...no...he isn't...Jasper isn't...no..." I mumbled incoherently as I retracted away from the beautiful stranger, an odd surge of sorrow upon me.

Noticing my distress, the man took a step forward and politely asked, "Are you alright, miss?"

He had the voice of an angel; musical, serene, calming. He said something more but at that point I was past hearing. Jasper wasnt here. Never would be. And then, it happened.

I heard a gasp leave the man's lips as he whipped his head to the right. I managed to register his horrified expression as I turned to look at what he was looking at, only to stop dead in my tracks.

A cart was speeding down the street straight at me. And it was going to hit me soon.

It was going to fast and was too close for any chance of salvation. The man turned his head impossibly fast to look at me, horror filling his topaz eyes. I merely smiled, my first in weeks.

I closed my eyes and whispered my last words as the cart approached.

"I love you Jasper."

Pain crashed through me as the collision took place, and then horrified screaming. All the while all my consciousness began to slip and darkness enveloped my mind.

I was dead. It was not a matter that I questioned; it was a fact. I had been plowed by a running cart in the middle of a street; there was no earthly way that I could have survived the impact.

I expected heaven to feel wonderful, like a floating dream. Yet if the burning sensation that began to spread through me was not like heaven was supposed to feel, then I was damned in hell.

Knives stabbed me from the inside out. A fire raged through my veins, uncontrollably spreading ever so painfully through my bloodstream, bringing with it pain beyond imagination.

I faintly recalled hearing tortured screams as the pain intensified, not knowing then that it had been me who had emitted such pained cries. All I could pray for was forgiveness as I toiled in this hell, and suddenly glad for the blackness that began to coat my vision after never ending agony.

**P.S.-The blonde haired man was Carlisle. I think it was obvious, but just FYI if you didn't know. This story is drawing to a close and I hope that you have enjoyed it so far. Thank you for your reviews, and I hope that you keep on encouraging me to ignore my history work (30 pages of reading per chapter every day, plus finishing a book on the American Revolution). Please do that!! I don't want to read about the colonization!!**


	9. AN: SHOULD THE STORY GO ON?

No, this is not a new chapter, but if you really like the story, then please for the love of Twilight, read on.

I am...a little uncertain at this point.

I'm not sure if I should end the story soon, as I had planned to do so, or continue it.

PLEASE give me some insight on what you think. I can prolong it and come up wth a bunch of crazy things, or I could change the couples, or...there are just too many possibilities that I am unsure will come to be.

So here is the choice; either end it soon, or make it last a couple of chapters longer.

PM me or review with your decision!!


	10. Awakening

**I am terribly sorry for my prolonged lack of updating. Circumstances have had it that I haven't been able to write up this chapter, but I managed. As reward for your patience, I have decided to extend the story. An idea struck me when I was scrubbing the bath tub (yes, crazy but it happened), and it was perfect to make the story last a little longer. I will update sooner and thank you sooo much for putting up with me. Review after you finish reading please!! If you do, I will send you a teaser of the next chapter. **

**I do not own Twilight. **

**P.S.- Sorry for any errors in this chapter. I will try to correct them as soon as possible. **

JPOV

The pain that I endured lasted for what seemed to be an eternity. I heard nothing but my own agonized screams throughout the entire ordeal, twisting and writhing ceaselessly as spasms of intense, concentrated pain shot through me. I had no sense of time, nor the will to notice my surroundings as the all consuming nightmare continued.

Though I was out of my wits in pain, I heard a far away woice whisper, "He will make a great addition to the army."

--

I awoke from my agony to the darkness of a small, decrepit room. It was in shambles, obviously abandoned and disused for decades. The windows were boarded up, dust coating every tangible surface as I sat up on a creaky, rusted bed on the corner of the otherwise bare room. I thought it momentarily odd that though no light filtered through the cracks of the boarded windows, I could perfectly see my surroundings, poor as they were.

I managed to get up, feeling... odd. It was a difficult sentiment to place, but I noted that my body was more rigid and hardened than it had been before. My senses seemed to be more accute than they had ever been, and when I tried to grip the metal railing of the rusted bed it crumbled in my fist, a blatant indication of my superior power.

None of the new pieces of information making any sense whatsoever, I wearily walked to the only door, tentatively taking hold of the knob, careful to not break it. As I managed to do the task and in the process open the door, I felt a pair of eyes trained on me. I released my hold on the door knob and looked up to see the face of the young girl that had bitten me. Yes... Maria.

She was beautiful, as I vaugely recalled her to be, and had an angelic smile on her face. At the same moment that she smiled, I felt a wave of happiness rush through me, in the process making my lips curve upwards.

She was sitting on an old, ripped armchair, holding a book in her hand. There were no traces of anyone else, meaning that she had been here all alone waiting for me, I guessed.

"I see that you have awoken, Jasper. I am sure that you are wondering what has happened to you." She said, her voice floating towards me like wind chimes in the summer breeze. I nodded, confusion swirling through me. Just as my haze of misinformation set upon me, she frowned and had the same expression on her features.

"I see... well rather feel that you have an ability, Jasper." She murmured quietly, her brow creasing as my confusion increased at her comment.

"Come, I will tell you what you wish to know. Then, we must go feed you." She said, stretching out her tiny arm, beconing me to her. I went.

Once I was settled on the sofa across from her, she began to speak.

"Though humans believe that we are mythical creatures that only exist in lore and fiction, our very presence in this room contradicts those beliefs. I am not entirely sure of how much... knowledge you have garnered about our kind, but it is nothing compared to what we truly are." She paused here, adding drama to her narration.

"We are the creatures of the night, the hunters of blood. We are the cold ones, as some call us. We are vampires." She said, looking me in the eye as the sincerity of her eyes and emotions washed over me.

"Vampires?" I heard myself ask in an impossibly melodious voice, astonishment etched deep in that single word.

"Yes. I bit you, and the venom I injected transformed you. That was the agonizing three days you just endured." She said, no hint of regret in her voice or emotions.

"So that means that I... I have to... drink... blood?" I asked shakily, trying to wrap my mind around teh very repulsive concept.

"Yes. I am sure that you feel a burning sensation in the back of your throat at this precise moment, do you not?" She bitingly remarked, sarcasm dripping out of her last comment, as if I were a fool for not telling her about it earlier.

It was then that I paused to assess my state. Once I stopped my mind long enough, a sharp sensation of fire erupted in the back of my throat. It was like a thirst that had gone on too long. It was slowly frustrating me, as the more that I was aware of it, the more it burned.

Maria seemed to notice my discomfort, as she stood up and came to stand infront of me.

"You must feed. I can feel the thrist and I myself have just fed. The explanations can come later, I'm afraid. Come, I must teach you your first lesson about being a vampire." With that pronouncement she gracefully glided to a door I had not noticed, opening it and exposing a dark, moonless sky as I followed her out of the dingy room towards my fist meal as a vampire.

--

We stealthily made our way through the small town miles away from the little house Maria had left me in. It was shocking how fast I could run now, a blur of speed as we made our way to my meal. I was getting used to my new abilities now, as we hid in the shadows of rundown homes.

I could smell everything; the scent of a fire cackling, food cooking, and most tempting of all; human blood. The smells, though diluted, were swirling in the air, the closely packed houses making it impossible to not note the humans residing in them. Maria motioned for me to follow her, and we walked too faster than humanly possible towards what seemed to be the saloon in town.

I could hear from a distance away the loud music, laughing and talking of the people in the small building. The smell of alcohol permeated heavily from it.

"We must wait for the nest person to come out. You will run to them and pull them into the shadows. After that, simply bite and enjoy." She instructed me with a coldness that made me flinch. I waited to do as she told me.

It was not long before a young man walked out of the saloon. He was tall and lanky, not older than seventeen. He was tan, and wore what appeared to be an army uniform.

Before I could notice much, the scent of his blood overwhelmed me. It was like cinammon, inviting and delicious. It filled my senses, blocking out everything else. I completely forgot Maria's instructions as I charged forth, wanting nothing more than to sink my teeth into his flesh.

I ran to him, too quickly for him to see. I yanked him over to a dark alley as he noticed something was going on. I felt his rising panic, but could not think more of it. I swiftly clamped my teeth down on his neck, relishing in the taste of the blood that began to flow out of the puncture. I drank deeply, ignoring the screams that were trying to make their way out of the young boy's throat, the fear and mind numbing panic that he felt as I fed off his supple blood.

He was paralyzed by fear when I fist bit him, and slowly tried to fight me off to only find himself immobile. He was gasping for breath now, and I heard his heartbeat slowly winding down, becoming quieter and quieter as I continued my assault on his life sustaining liquid. The rich delectable taste of the boy's blood was satisfying, and I drank every last, delicious drop of it until I could no longer hear his heart beat.

The fog that had fallen upon me at the first whiff of his blood cleared as I held the deathly pale body of the young man in my arms, his face set in a horrified grimance as his mouth opened in an unheard scream. I could no longer bear to look into his face and dropped him to the ground, remorse and haterd towards what I had become settling themselves into my conscience. He was an innocent by passer, harming no one. He did not deserve to die, especially in the manner that he did; as my first meal in my newly found monstrous existance.

As these thoughts swirled through my raging mind, Maria must have disposed of his body because when I managed to snap myself from my guilt I saw no evidence of the monstrosity that had previously transpired.

"Do not torment yourself. It was necessary for him to die. I think it must have been worse for you because of your power." She ordered, like a genereal.

"What do you mean, my power?" I asked, though I had a vauge idea of what it was she was talking about.

"You seem to be an empath. You can feel emotions, and as I have first handedly experienced, also seem to affect them." She explained patiently as she began to run towards the dirt road leading out of the tiny town that would forever hant me.

I followed her, afraid of who I might kill if I was left alone, powerless to stop myself from the...bloodlust. We continued to run, helpin me clear my head and gather my thoughts for the interrogation I intended to perform upon my guide.

We reached the gloomy sanctuary of the shackle, for it was little more than that. Once we settled down, Maria sensed, or rather felt, my curiosity and prompted me with a look to begin my inquiry.

"Why did you transform me?" I asked point blank. It was the one question that nagged at me in the back of my head.

"You seemed quite promising. You were very...charismatic, even in our brief encounter. Not to mention that you had military experience, and that only gives you the upper hand for the wars waging at this very moment." She said cautiously, gauging my reactions as she explained herself to me.

"Wars...?" I trailed off questioningly, sure she was speaking of something much more obscure than the Civil War.

"No human knows of this, but secretly there are vampiric wars throughout the South and Mexico. Covens of vampires battle eachother for dominance of territory for feeding. And you seemed to be a good choice to aid my cause." Maria offered, a hint of pride in her voice.

"You are not alone, I assume." I stated, sure of this bit of information.

"You are correct. I have others with me, but I thought it wise that I alone stayed with you throughout your transformation. There is Nettie and Lucy, my left and right hands so to say, and the others that have also been newly transformed, like you." She proclaimed unabashed, looking me directly in the eye as if I would challenge otherwise.

I was about to ask another question when I saw an image other than Maria's angelic face cloud my vision. I did ot know what this was, but in the image I could see a blurry look of a young man that looked uncannily like me, and that of a young lady smiling at him as they walked through a park. They were talking queitly, transfixed with one another when I heard what I assumed to be me call what I could see of the lovely young lady, "Bella."

The image did not last longer than that, but it's bleary oddness haunted me as I once again saw Maria look at me in confusion. I felt...happy as I watched the memory replay, a lightness and content rushing through my system as Bella spoke, though I could not discern what she was speaking of. She had a pale, lovely heart shaped face and neatly pinned mahogany brown hair, and shining, vivid brown eyes. Though the name was only an echo of a whisper through my mind, it rung through my ears as it did the forst time I heard it. I knew this girl. I had something to do with Bella, and I could only assume that it was something close to a courtship from the blissful expressions we both had on our faces.

Maria began to speak to me, her eyes growing more and more weary as I tried to call forth any other memories of my previous life that might have been lurking in the shadows of my mind. None came at the moment, but I knew that Bella, whoever she was, was someone I had truly loved. And she was someone I could not afford to let go, even after what I had become.


	11. Blurry Memories

**It has been a very long wait, but here is another chapter, finally. This is not the chapter I originally got the teaser from, since I have changed the order of events since then this will have to do. Sorry for being an awful author and leaving for nearly two months like that, but here you go. I typed this very quickly, so there will unevitably be errors in it. Please review if you are still reading, and check out my new story that I will be updating soon, called _Art of Deception._ **

**I do not own Twilight. **

BPOV

Pain. Pure, undiluted torture scorched me for eternity. I was burning from inside out without hope of reprieve. It was all consuming, a pain so deep that it almost trumped the one I felt when Jasper left. Almost. With that thought in mind, I braved the fire raging through my veins, steadily pumping through my bloodstream as I burned alive.

I screamed until my throat was raw, clawing at my skin, trying to get rid of the source of all my afflictions.  
My body writhered, twisted like an acrobats as the pain peaked and rose to new heights that I thought impossible; almost as if every cell in my body were being rewritten. Time was not a concept I grasped throughout those unending hours as it eluded my clouded mind.

I was vaugely aware of someone murmuring things every once in a while, of that same someone coming in and out of what I assumed to be a room periodically, their cool hand relieving the hot skin of my forehead, sitting occasionally next to me. Even in the hell I was wallowing in, I had the mind to notice these things, these small details that otherwise would not have registered.

Eventually, the raging fire began to recede, inch by painful inch, after an eternity of suffering. My screams ceased as the pain ebbed, my breathing even out and I lay still after my ceaseless movements. As everything came into persepective as the fire eased, I was actuely aware of sounds that had previously gone unnoticed by my ears; the frenzied pounding of horses hooves on a cobblestone street; the rickety sounds of carriges zooming along the streets, the pattering of feet on a sidewalk. Not only was I able to hear beyond the confines of my room, but I could distinctly make out the feeling of the cotton my body was swathed in, the rustle of clothing as someone moved near my head; the slow steady pace of their breathing as I could further focus on my enhanced senses as the pain dulled to a thobbing not yet gone but not dominating my every thought.

I did not open my eyes even when I felt the tentacles of my previous torturer slither away, only elated that finally the suffering was coming to an end. I open and closed me hands as if testing to make sure they were still there. The tempo of my heart began to slow, and in a short, final burst of fire it beat once and did not beat once again.

I took a deep breath, feeling the air rush into my lungs and distincly tasting the particles that came into my system, the taste of a sterelized room registering in my mind. Slowly, I began to lift my lids, afraid of what I might encounter once I could see where I was.

I "awoke" to a wooden ceiling, in which I could distinctly see each individual grain one the panels, the dust motes swirling in the air as I observed the grains closely. I turned my head and saw a window; it opened to a spectacular view of dense foliage I could clearly see even from the considerable distance I was from. The sun was nowhere to be seen, but a brilliant white moon lit the dark sky. By then my eyes moved on, and as I took in the appearance of the room it became clear that I was in a cabin od sorts; a large one at that. I was laying upon a wrought iron bed, a simple wash basin tucked against a corner of the room, a mirror hanging ontop of it. A dresser was pushed against the far wall, lonely in the austere room. A chair lay next to my bed, empty of occupants at the moment.

It was a rather impersonal room. It was more of a guest bedroom that no one used or cared to furnish. I was tangled in sweaty white linen sheets, dressed in the simple gown I recalled from a distant memory.

As I was finishing my assessment of the room, I hear the light footsteps of a person coming towards my door. They were much to light to be a normal person's; even then I knew that. I waited with baited breath as the footsteps neared, came closer to the door. They stopped altogether once they were directly at the entrance, slwoly twisting the brass knob as if not to scare me. I trained my eyes on the piece of wood seperating me from the stranger that had apparently cared for me in my moments of distress.

Yet as I was completely taken aback by the sight that greeted me from the frame, hands heald out in a clear demonstration of peace. The man was an angel fallen from heaven; fair and luminous. His golden hair looked like silk; his perfect, god like face passive as I gawked blatanly at his perfection. He was unbelievably pale, his skin a smooth alabaster that resembled marble. He was tall and sinous, somewhere in his early twenties by the glorious looks of him.

His odd golden eyes stared at me as he stood unmoving from his position, seemingly to gauge my reaction as I took him in.

"Who... are you?" A strange, smooth voice queried. I knew that I had opened my motuh and spoken the words, but this voice took me by surprise. I had not sounded like this before, like harps plucking out smooth, musical notes into words. It was abnormal, but everything that had occured so far indicated nothing to the cotrary. This situation only got more uncomprehensible as the seconds passed.

"I am Carlisle Cullen. We are not acquianted, I am afraid. Do you recall what your name is?" He asked, his voice a smothing velvet as I raptly listened.

Though I had been entirely focused on the sound of his voice, I instantly registered the question. Who was I? I was... Bella. Yes, That sounded right. Isabella Marie Swan. That was it.

"I am Isabella Marie Swan... but prefer to be called Bella." I said tentatively as he nodded his head.

"I am sure that you are very confused at the moment, but if you give me an opportunity to explain the situation, I assure you that many of your questions will probably be answered." He said, slolwy inching his way into the room.

I simply nooded as he fluidly stepped a little faster towards the chair, pushing it farther way from me as if I were going to bite. I sat quietly as he sat and gathered his wits.

"I am originally from London. It has been a great while since I have seen my homeland, but it has been a greater while since I have been alive, per say." He paused, looking off to the distance as if in a different time. It was apparent he was going to tell me his story.

"I was son to a preacher then. He was passionate about finding mythical creatures and killing htem. Unfortunately for his victims, he was usually wrong about these so called monsters whom were people like anyother who were befallen the misfortune of being labled a witch and the likes of that.

He was getting old, and eventually was no longer able to conduct his persecutions. When that time came, he left the task up to me, his son.

I was not like my father; I was more careful and less assuming, not quick to judge. One of my investigations led me and a mob armed with torches to the sewers of London where I thought there were to be vampires.

And it turned out they indeed were those very creatures. They were ravenous and attacked the group I had led to them. I myself ran, trying to get away.

Yet one of the fiends managed to tackle me and began to drink my blood. It was killing me and might have finished the job had it not gotten distracted. I then dragged myself to a barn and hid myself until the pain that came soon after the bite assaulted me.

It lasted about three days, and afterwards it became apparent to me what I had become. I had been turned into a vampire." He said, looking me in the eyes as he said the last sentence.

There was no other need to explain the situation further; it was clear as daylight what had happened to me. I was just like him now, a monster of myths and legends that I had before thought impossible.

I was vampire.

It was like a dream, though there was obviously no escaping this reality.

"How...how did this happen? Why am I a...a..." I trailed off, unable to say the word. Vampire.

"The bite of one of our kind injects venom into the system. It changes us. As for your other question, it is a simple matter. You were dying, and I simply could not let that occur, as it was partially my fault that you ran out into the middle of a busy street..." He left off, his head tilting to the side as I tried to recall the situation.

I vaugely managed to drege up a blurry memory from my human life. I remebered running out from my home to the street, Carlisle's golden head bobbing through the crowds as I desperately tried to reach him. Some of that desperation seeped through me, as a name floated through my head, like a prayer.

Jasper.

It all came rushing to me then, a torrent of blurry memories that refused to go away. The ball we had met in, the park, him telling me he was going to join the Confederate army, our farewell in the train station. All of it flooded back, along with them the emotions each memory was accompanied with.

The longing, happiness, elation, desperation, numb pain trembled through me. But above it all there was always love. Always love.

"Jasper... I thought you were him..." I whispered, my dead heart lurching with the realization that it was now practically impossible to see him again if he wasn't dead already. I had turned into a monster.

"Yes, you were muttering something about a Jasper fellow when befroe you decided to run out onto a busy Houston street. I take it you remeber him?" Carlisle inquired, curiousity pouring out of him.

I nodded vigorously, my mind bringing forth an image of my only love.

"Yes. He was... someone infinitely special to me. He was the man I loved. He had left to join the Confederate army, and when I saw you I mistook you for him. I was very depressed then, barely making myself live." i murmured, awash in sadness as I realized that now I was truly going to be alone.

Carlisle slowly extended his hand, patting me on the shoulder as he would a daughter, sympathy written across his face.

"I am truly sory that you lost him. It must have been terribly painful for you." He said gently, smoothly stabding upright as I fiddled uncomfortably with the hem of my gown.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"Well, I didn;t think of it before, but you must be extremely thirsty. You just awoke afterall." he said, making his way gracefully to the door.

Until he mentioned thirst, I had not noticed the dry, burning feeling in the back of my thorat, a fire of its own as I tired to swallow convulsively in a vain attempt to quench the thrist.

"Come; I will teach you to hunt animals, as I do. You do not need to drink for them, of course, if you would prefer to drink from...humans." He explain, distaste sharpening the last word.

Until then, I had not given my new diet a second thought, but as he suggested this altered for of living, I knew there was no earthly way I would willingly drink from another human being, thirsty or not. I would not become a murderer.

"I would prefer it if you taught me to hunt animals, please." I said, and a glowing smile spread across his face. Obviously pleased by my decision, he led me to through the door to the end of a hall, where he crossed a comfy living room furnished with simple, elegant furniture. He opened the door and began to run towards the woods I had seen outside my window.

Running was incredibly easy now that I was a vampire. I was graceful where I was clumsy, lightning fast where I was slow.

Yet as Carlisle informed me of other vampire facts I listened with half an ear to what he was saying. The other part of me could not stop dwelling on my memories of a man that I had once known and loved. Memories of a stranger I had met, of a being that I had loved unconditionally.

Even then, as I began my first hunt I knew I would stop at nothing to find the man that I had once loved.

I was going to find Jasper Whitlock, dead or alive.

**Please review!!**


	12. AN 2: NOT AN UPDATE!

THIS IS NOT AN UPDATE.

I am extremely, deeply sorry that I haven't updated in the last millenium, but my computer went psycho on me. It's been acting up in these last few weeks, and I have had no time to get it fixed. Not to mention the pile of homework the size of Mount Everest that I got promptly upon returning to school, it has been near impossible for me to get enough time to write much.

I was, however, going to update this weekend despite my technical problems. But the situation with the imcoming hurricane, which is headed right around the area that I live in, has forced me and my family to evacuate.

Wish us luck, and as soon as I can get a computer, I will update the story.

--Featherwing--


	13. Running

**PLEASE READ!! To all those who didn't read my author's note, here's what basically happened: I live on the Texas coast, right where Hurricane Ike hit. Things were kinda hectic a few days before the storm hit, right when I was working on this chapter. We fortunately evacuated, but when we came back things looked pretty bad, and it tooks days before things stopped seeming like the end of the world.**

**Not only did alot of things get messed up, but there was no electricity in my area for TWO WEEKS. Yes people, I lived by sunlight and candle for that long. It was torture. And now, everything is crazy with all the catching up to do at school. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twlight. **

JPOV

Life as the undead went on in a sequence of battle and murder for five years. I had managed to prove to Maria and her alliance that I was strong enough to survive among the cutthroat world of the Southern Wars, and had faithfully remained by Maria's side, even when claims of treason tore apart our group.

I fought, fed, and trained. It was a monotonous routine that repeated itself day and night, yet when I found the time to be alone with my own thoughts and feelings, I always found myself lost in the remnants of farway memories of my human past.

I recalled my parents, both generous, loving people, who although blurred in my foggy reminiscing, strongly present in my mind.

I recalled my human home, the structure huge yet welcoming, my sanctuary from the demands of society.

I recalled my school years, or at least what I remembered of them, my knowledge and yearning to learn strong traits in my younger human self.

And I rememebered her.

The angel that appeared to me amongst the mundane routine of life.

The angel that brightened my very being with a simple smile.

Bella.

Memories involving my angel were clearer than the few others I possessed. Her humor, kindness, beauty and every detail that pertained to her were etched deep within me. I thought ceaselessly of her and genuinely hated myself for tearing myself apart from the love of my life.

"Jasper! You have a fresh group of newborns to train. The Juarez coven are planning an attack on us soon, and we need all the help we can get." Maria barked as she marched her way lithely through the moonlight. We were in a barren alley in Mexico, finishing up our nightly hunt. I wiped my mouth clean of blood, and focused my now bright red eyes on her small frame.

"I will get strated immediately. How many are there?" I asked, sighing quietly as the routine of five years repeated itself.

"Six. It will have to do for now. You might want to ask Peter to help you." She answered airily as she unconsciously ran a hand through her midnight hair.

I turned away, well aware that she had her mind on other things. Once she gave out her orders, her mind raced on to the next thing on her to do list, effectively forgetting what she had said earlier in the belief that it would unquestionably be done.

I ran back to our location slowly, mulling over plans and attacks that I could implement on the newborns to tame them in the slightest degree. They were volatile and extremely aggressive creatures, hard to handle and harder still to train.

I arrived at the two story house on the outskirts of the city. It was rotting and falling in on itself; the perfect hideout for our group.

A brown haired man stood outside on the shaky porch, his pale skin glistening as his crimson eyes roamed his surroundings. His dark clothes only seemed to heighten the glow of his marble flesh rather than blend him in with the shadowy darkness.

"Peter!" I shouted at him, effectively cathing his attention as I neared.

"Maria has told you of your duties, I see. She could try doing this kind of stuff herself more often instead of roaming around like she owns the place." He grumbled as he began to run out to the field that held six nervy vampires.

"In a sense, she does, actually. Though its not something the humans are aware of." I replied, easily sending of waves of calm to soothe Peter's nerves. Though he had not been with Maria long, Peter had proven to be proficient in battle and less teaty than the average newborn.

We spoke no more as we approached the restless circle of pale walking pieces of marble flesh. They glared at one another with a burning hatred, tensing their muscles and snaping their teeth if anyone looked the slightest bit more angrily at them. It was a fight waiting to happen.

I sighed, immediately assaulted by the tension and raw energy clouding the atmosphere. I focused on calming down and immediate waves of peace washed over the tense newborns as I stepped to the middle of their informal circle and prepared to begin.

The training has gone smoothly. No fights broke out, which was a rarity with such an unpredictable group of creatures. I had ssafely deposited the newborns with Maria and had headed out, trying to clear my head.

I was so lost in my attemp that I failed to hear Peter standing stock still behind me.

"You're thinking about her, aren't you?" He asked, already fully aware of the answer.

"When am I not? She's always in the back of my head, always smiling at me like an angel. I can't forget her." I answered him, despite the rhetorical meaning to his inquiry. I had finally told Peter about Bella when I had inadvertently sent off a wave of sadness and longing out in a field while training newborns. The wave had been so strong that Peter refused to let me go with a smiple explanation to such strong emotions.

"I don't understand why you simply go look after her. What is the worst thing that could happen?" NO one would recognize you if you disguise yourself properly. You want to se her, don't you?" He asked, honestly curious about the answer to speculations he must have harbored ever since I had confessed my past to him.

"I do, but I can't make myself go Peter! Don't you understand? She could be happy right now; she would be living her life with a man she loves, rocking her children to sleep, shopping with friends. She could be a normal human being, Peter. She could have everything that she could never get if she were with me." I whispered, drained by the end of my rant.

"I can't bear to see her, no matter how much I love her. It would ear me apart." I told him honestly, no longer caring if he knew. I was well aware that we our kind were escenscially selfish creatures; I had experienced that first hand. If I saw Bella once again, I would never let her go.

Silence fell upon us as I gathered myself. The sounds of crickets chirping surrounded us tenfold as I turned to face a blank Peter.

"We should head back. Maria needs help with the newborns." I said, beginning to make my way back. Peter remained silent, and I took that as an affirmative to proceed.

"You're wrong, you know." Peter announced as I took the first step. I stood still, waiting for him to continue.

"You love her Jasper. And from what you told me, she loves you just as much as you love her. Do you think, that with her rather unblemished memories, she would forget you? Your own are blurry and you can still recall her face and the feelings you hve for her. That must mean that she would of never forgotten you, just like you never forgot her. Look for her, Jasper. It's worth it."

With that he dashed away, leaving me in an ocean of doubt.

"Kill them. They're no longer useful." Maria commanded as she lounged regally on a delapidated wooden chair, looking over a map and planning strategies against our newest enemy.

It was nothing unusual for her to request the anihilation of "useless" newborns. Once they were used to her satisfaction, she carelessly threw them away, always leaving me with the job of disposing of them.

Disgusted by the void of emotions in her, I stalked outside. I was nothing if a mess lately. Peter's advice had been tormenting me endlessly, the possibilities running over and over again in my head.

It didn't help I still had duties to take care of.

"What are you going to do?" A familiar voice called out as I headed to the remote alleyway Maria had picked for the extermination of yet another group of clueless vampires.

My sullen look, which according to him was the one I got whenever I had to perform this duty, answered his question. An unexplicable panic arose from him, intruiging me further as fear bloomed from him.

"Is something wrong, Peter?" I asked him nonchalantly, watching him squirm.

"Nothing, nothing. Everything's fine, just go do what you have to. I'll be with you in a second." He answered quickly, the wheels of his mind clearly turning as I returned to the job at hand.

The alleyway was eerily quiet, which was highly unusual for the group. I sent calm thorughout just to make sure no one got unexpectedly out of hand.

Dozens of gleaming red eyes focused their laser like intesity one me, gauging my every move as I lumbered past them. I hated this part of my "job"; the blindsidedness these creatures feel when I'm tearing them apart. It's almost like betrayl.

Without hesitation, I began the slaying. My mind went blank as I emitted calmness to my victims. They fought back ferociously, but were no match to the experience I had garnered throughout my relatively young existance.

Limbs were torn off, screeches echoed and fists flew as much as they could under my calming influence as the massacre I had created continued. My body went into autopilot, mechanically disposing of the unwanted vampires on by one as I sedated the rest into submission.

There were only two left. A small woman staring bitterly at me as I incapacitated her of fighting for her life. The other, a young boy no older than seventeen sluggishly struggled against me as I tore into his flesh and threw his remains into the pyre I had built in between the slayings.

Once his final scream was silenced I turned to her. She sat slumped against a dirty wall, her dark red hair messily covering her face as she looked at me from lethargic ruby eyes. There was nothing more than I could do but kill this creature and end, if at least temporarily, this kind of penance.

I took each step languidly as I approached my final victim. My hand reached out to brush her soft hair away from her face, looking at hre with remorse and pity as my fingers closed around her throat.

"Stop Jasper! Don't kill her!" That voice. The desperation in it made me pause; why would Peter care if I killed this girl?

"Why should I, Peter? Why do you care if she lives or dies?" I asked, curious about the strong sense of fear flowing from him.

"Don't Jasper! Don't kill Charlotte!" He whispered harshly, pleading silently with me to relese my hold on the immobile vampire beneath my hand.

"Charlotte, now is it? Why would you know her name?" I asked, taunting him as I tightened my grip the slightest bit. Peter tensed, ready to spring into action.

"Don't do this Jasper. Please don't kill her."

"Why?"

"Damn it, I love her! I can't possibly even think of going through eternity without her! Don't take her away from me, please. We'll go away, and you'll never see us again if that's what ti takes." he screamed, the rush of emotions bursting from him as he made his confession.

I immediately relesed Charlotte as she rushed to Peter and clung to him. He cradele her face in his hands tenderly and kissed her fiercely as she wound her arms around his neck. My heart, though unmoving, shattered as I saw the heartbreaking sight before me.

I couldn't do this to either of them. I might be miserable, but that did not mean I had the right to submit the only being even worthy of considering a friend in this life to the empty hollowness of lost love. I wasn't monstrous enough to do that.

"Go. You don't have to make promises to me. I'll deal with Maria when she finds out." I told htme tiredly, my entire body sagging with the emotional stress of the entire evening.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can't tell you in words how much I appreciate this Jasper. I never thought, going into this existance, that I would ever find a friend and true love. But life has given me both and I treasure them more than words can say. Thank you." Peter muttered as he began to pull a silent Charlotte through the shadows, making their slow retreat.

I simply nodded. The feelings were more than enough.

I turned to leave when a high, tinkling voice called out to me.

"Wait! Come with us. You can search for your lost love. You don't have to stay here with Maria, that cruel beast." Charlotte offered, sincerity ringing in every word she spoke.

Her eyes were guileless as I considered her offer. I could go with them and stop by Houston to search for her whereabouts. I could find her. I could go see her, albeit from a distance. I could reacquaint myself with the beautiful angel of my past.

Needing nothing more than the hope of seeing her smile one more time, I nodded.

"What's keeping us here? We have to move on forward."

**Please review!! And check out my other story, ART OF DECEPTION. **


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